Tuesday, February 7, 2012

If you never had it all

This post is filled with words but it means something to me, hope it helps you through your difficulties as well. Cheers!

Things had not been really easy for me. Some say life can't be all good, but trust me there are people who live their life all good. But that's perhaps he/she did endless good deeds in the past life and perhaps in my past life I was a burglar or something. I am a Christian but whenever something happen to me I get people asking what the heck I did in my past life to get all these fml.

I learned to accept whatever bad luck but it's seriously nothing near easy. God knows how much I wished and prayed that everything could just be a little bit more easy.

I never wanted to be a Geologist. My Dad is a Geologist, and I admired him my whole life. I grow up knowing much about rocks, my story books were about fossils and I knew what are plateaus and limestone caves even before I entered secondary school. What I am doing now is practically my life. But my Dad decided to resign so he could stay with the family. There were too much travelling and fieldwork. If as a man, he resigned for the family, could I hold on as a woman, or future wife, Mum? Sometimes, it is not all about the money. Everyday I still doubt whether I am moving to the right direction, but my parents said it's fine. This is just a degree, not a job. My idol? I bet many know Park Jin Young (JYP) CEO of JYP Entertainment agency of Wondergirls, 2AM, 2PM and Rain. JYP had a Degree in Geology but he loved music so much! I always wondered whether I will have the courage like him but till then, we will see.

I have never revealed this one in public, but just a lesson and I want to let those who stayed by my side to know that I really appreciate everything you did to help me. Sometime August last year I was mentally sexually assaulted, thank God it was mentally only. I got it reported and it became a case which caused me lots of mental disturbance throughout the period. I feared being alone and stayed in the room most of the time. I was lucky that the trial for the case was approaching my semester break because I really wanted to be out of this place. Up till today, I prefer being in my room. Just be some nerd and really thanks a lot to those who help me through one of the darkest pace of my life.

Last semester I had to drop a subject due to my trip to Korea, and without knowing the minimum criteria to go for Internship. Now I am rocking boat on whether I am eligible to go for internship because I lack some credit hours. I begged to drop the subject last semester, until the fact that I had to request help from the Rector only that it got settle. This semester I have to begged to be allowed to go for internship. I must be already having that bad girl image who has the principle office as her second home (here being my Head of Department's office). Will meet him tomorrow, fingers crossed.

If you read my past posts, my recent break up was heartbreaking. I hate making confessions but I am not sure whether I am over it. People come and go, but memories stay. It was not the one and only heartbreak but definitely the toughest. Sometimes I wished I could turn back time, not to stop the heartbreak, but just wish we never met. But when I come to think of it, if we never met, I would never learn to be a better person. We would never knew what we wanted in life. I loved too much and tried too hard to hate. That feeling of something in between is making things very difficult. This one may take months, or years to heal. If we meet again, I'll give you less heartbreak, and wish you would do the same. Yes, even as friends, strangers, or enemies.

Because of all these luck I had in the world, I stopped comparing myself to those who have everything. My Dad taught me this. It is never worth to admire people who did nothing but have everything. It is never worth to admire people who get their wealth from their parents. Never worth dropping your jaw over someone who has a luxurious car but need to pay a loan of over 20 years. Admire those who have nothing but is something. Then I came to think of it, I ain't doing that bad. Minus the mental disorder that I almost had last semester due to all the problems and difficulties, I am all good.

For the family never ending love:

For this bunch of people who I missed our good old times:

For these babes who we all had crazy times together:

Oh God I am all teary typing this, can't express how thankful I am that I am still sane after all those that happened. Hopefully this semester I will continue being sane. My timetable is sooo packed! Continuous classes are going to make my crazy. And I hate public speaking (part of what you do in PCS class). God please bless me lots. Amen.

All and all, I am very thankful to Korea, thankful for Singapore and Cambodia. I had to drop that subject and get all the troubles for unable to proceed with my Internship smoothly, but I wouldn't make a different choice. If you never had it all, you will have the joy of searching for it. And when you found it, life will mean a whole new thing to you.

Me, I am still searching :)


Isabel said...

Its not easy living in this world. and i know its easy to say than to do but be strong dear. whatever happens, we are here for you. do not hesitate to find me ok? im just a door away. may God protect you and bless you with strength and will power to carry on. Hugs dear...

Nath said...

without the bad times you will no appreciate the good times. Just stay strong and hang on there. You can do it, jia you jia you